21 QUESTIONS: INTERVIEW WITH CASSIE

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21 Questions is a series of interviews with people who currently have an eating disorder or have recovered from one.  The same 21 questions are asked of each person.  Each interview sketches a picture of someone who has been in the depths of the reality of an eating disorder and is either still working on blazing a path out of it or has gone on to recover. Some of the names used have been changed at the request of the interviewee.   If you would like to be interviewed for this series, please contact us.

Interview with Cassie:

Q: How old are you?
A: I am 28 years young.
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Q: Male or female?
A: Female
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Q: How long have you had/did you have an eating disorder?
A: Officially diagnosed and on record? Since April 2013. Informal off-record treatment? Freshman year of college, Fall 2004-Spring 2005. After in-depth assessment with my current therapist? All my life. I have been displaying signs, symptoms, fears, compulsions and obsessions since I was 2. Life-threatening cases were when I was 18 and again in 2013 (multi-organ failure).
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Q: Which one do/did you have, or has it been more than one (anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, EDNOS, compulsive exercising)?
A: Initial diagnosis was anorexia/bulimia with hypergymnasia. They really were not sure what to put as my diagnosis or how to approach me. As of April 2013, I am EDNOS. I meet all the criterion for anorexia except for the weight.
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Q: Who in your life knows about your eating disorder?
A: “Knows” is such a relative term. I have told my parents, two of my sisters, my brother, my closest friends, my aunt and cousin, a family friend and some of the men I dated. My parents and sister seem to deny it and think I am making it up. Some of my closest friends, one of my sisters, and my brother all bounced when I told them. Some of it was denial, some of it I’m not sure. I want to tell the world that I struggle with it, but there is SO much judgment involved in stereotyping that I am not able to. I fear telling the men I date because no one understands eating disorders – just the stereotypes.
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Q: What person in your life was the most helpful and supportive during both sickness and recovery?
A: In the beginning of this recovery session, two of my best friends.They were the ones who were on to me not doing well and were really concerned. They pushed and pushed me to get help. They were great the first six months. Then one had a baby and fell off. Another two close friends are helpful but do not really talk to me about it. I think the most supportive in all of this has been my therapist and my group therapist. They are the only two consistent people who understand when I struggle, and are helpful. They also refuse to give up on me.
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Q: What person that you might have wanted or expected more from was the least helpful and supportive?
A: Not sure. My parents but yet I honestly did not expect it. They are still convinced I “flunked out of college” instead of being told by my therapist I needed to return home to a more supportive environment. Also, my best friends. I thought they would have been consistent but they were not. I know I am a burden, but just acting like I fell off the earth really added to the worthless and hopeless feelings I had.
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Q: Do you or have you ever sought professional help, such as a therapist, psychiatrist, nutritionist, doctor, support group or inpatient treatment?  Specify which kind of help you had.
A: I had a nutritionist in college. I [initially] withheld my struggle with anorexia from my doctors. I had a full blown panic attack in the doctors’ offices, and was in the midst of multi-organ failure. I realized I had a problem. They also threatened [me with] a 5150. From there, I had an intake appointment with a therapist. I met with a psychiatrist and started medication therapy mainly for control of the anxiety. My group therapist is specialized in eating disorders. I have therapy three days a week. I am still in intensive PHP. I outright refused a nutritionist and inpatient treatment unless they committed me. Even then, I probably would still refuse, hahaha.
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Q: What was most helpful to you about the help you got?
A: For once in my life, I was validated. Someone listened to me and my problems. Someone actually cared and was concerned. She did not give up on me when I had given up on myself. She empowered me.
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Q: What issue(s) do you feel affected or influenced developing an eating disorder?

A: Invalidating environment, fear of judgment, increased moments of anxiety, loss of control, having braces for thirteen years (encouraging me to limit my dietary intake), and people just not caring. I was a competitive dancer, but I am not sure if that really contributed as much as people stereotype. Going to a high school that was predominantly Asian, while I was Caucasian with an hour glass body. I was told I was fat by the boys all the time. There was also a lot of death in my life. Being Jewish, I also loved the holidays where we were starving ourselves.

My doctors all missed it. I stopped getting my period and [my doctor] told me to lose more weight. They instilled the fear of diabetes and being fat in me. My doctors exacerbated my eating disorder.
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Q: Besides yourself, who in your life do you think is/was most affected by how your eating disorder hurt you?
A: No one. My parents claimed they were embarrassed by my eating habits and would mock me in front of others. But I have always made it my problem. I internalized it. I would only eat in front of others and then starve on my own so no one saw how they hurt me. Maybe my therapist? I know she struggled a lot in the beginning and sometimes I feel like I let her down because I am not recovered yet. I always fear letting her down the most. She has put so much into me. That is why I did not kill myself a few months ago. I felt like I would destroy her and she would resent me.
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Q: What was the first major breakthrough you had in recovery?
A: Maybe six months ago when I was stronger and able to eat new foods I had avoided for years and never eaten. Again when I realized that I grew up in an invalidating environment and have a toxic job with a lack of appreciation. That my family has caused my fear of judgment. That was huge. It made me realize it was not my fault and you cannot change everyone. Being able to feel when I was relapsing. That was huge.
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Q: What is/was the hardest truth to accept about what you have to do in order to recover?
A: I have to eat. That is the ultimate hardest truth I face. I like not eating. And it would make sense that overweight people should cut calories to lose weight. For me, it is increase calories and to eat for weight loss to come about. That was and is still the hardest thing I have to constantly face. It is so easy to skip meals.
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Q: If you could be eating disorder-free for a day, what things would you do?/If you are recovered, what things do you do now that were very difficult when you were still sick?
A: I am not sure. This is a very difficult question. Part of me thinks go to a restaurant and not care. But I also do not want to go and eat. I also would want to go out in public and just not care what people think of me. Be free from the fears of my weight and the judgment. Not worry that men think I am too fat to be loved.
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Q: What one piece of advice would you give to someone new to admitting they have an eating disorder?
A: It is never easy. Ever. I am an example of what is and will be a life-long struggle, but not everyone has it as a life-long struggle. I envy those who can be fully recovered. You have to do it for yourself because no one else truly cares. They move on. They get bored. Hold on to whatever it is that makes you want to live and go for it. Mine was to help others.
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Q: What one suggestion would you give to a loved one trying to support someone with an eating disorder?
A: Do not give up on them. Believe them in their feelings. Validate their feelings. If you cannot understand, do not give up; just accept it. Keep supporting. It really sucks going at this alone. It makes the hopelessness and worthlessness stronger. It makes the point of living much more bearable if someone supports you.
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Q:  Do/did you seek support online?  If so, what kind of support and did it help you?
A: I created my own blog. I tried to stick with it regularly, but I gave up when I did not receive the followers I thought I would receive. I also used to obsessively research online information in high school. I found journal entries about it. Pinterest was also huge for my support. It allowed me to pin my deep, dark, gruesome thoughts and struggles. Some of the pro-ana stuff was detrimental in the beginning. It gave me strength. Now it gives me strength to not go back, at least to hold out and try.
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Q: If you are sure you will not go back to your eating disorder, what gives you that confidence?/If you are scared you will relapse, what is your biggest trigger?
A: Oh, I straight up told my therapist I do not expect to live past 35 years of age. I am pretty sure I will be the statistic of death by anorexia. I am constantly relapsing and I’m not sure if it is a fear of doing so. The fear is being free of the eating disorder and being in this world without that single comfort.

My triggers? Men telling me I am not worthy of being loved because where I live, even uglies think they are entitled to skinny, fake tan, fake blonde bitches. I am none of those.  I always feel like I am not good enough. I am the perfect nurse and unable to obtain a job because it is so competitive. Some [interviewers] told me that while I would be the perfect nurse, I am “too fat” to be a nurse.
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Q: If you have children or plan to in the future, are you concerned about how your eating disorder may affect them?  If you recovered before you had kids, do you think your experience with the eating disorder will help you to better guide your child away from developing one?
A: I have always wanted to have children, but I have also known since I was in middle school I was never going to be pregnant. I am too fearful of being fat. Fearful of the fear that will cause me to starve and then starve my baby so it comes out destroyed. Fear of never losing that weight. Fear of being able to get the nutrition in that the baby needs. I am so fearful of being fat that I would throw myself down a flight of stairs to abort a baby. Ya, that bad.
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Q: Did you read books or workbooks to help with your recovery?  If so, are there any specific ones you recommend?
A: My therapist offered two that helped me help my loved ones. I recommend them. I cried a lot reading them because it gave me insight as well. “Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder” by James Lock. “The Eating Disorders Sourcebook: A Comprehensive Guide to the Causes, Treatments, and Prevention of Eating Disorders” by Carolyn Costin. “The Anorexia Workbook: How to Accept Yourself, Heal Your Suffering, and Reclaim Your Life” by Michelle Heffner. I think it is a great supplement.
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Q: What song, album or musical artist comes to mind when you think of good music to listen to while trying to make positive changes in your life?

A: Honestly, EDM (electronic dance music) saved my life. It helped me be able to escape without utilizing substances, hurting myself, having excessive sex, etc. It had the ability to give me the same pleasure I used to get from sex; the orgasm and all. It allowed me to be sad if I needed it. It made me happy. It really encouraged my mood. It truly helped me feel like I escaped myself when I hated being me. It also gave me a community.

Visit Grace on the Moon, a website for eating
disorders information and recovery:
http://www.graceonthemoon.com

Photo at top of blog is from the Flickr account
of Mat Honan

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACE ON THE MOON!

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Grace on the Moon is now celebrating our first birthday!  It’s been a great privilege to serve the eating disorder recovery community for the past year, and we look forward to the next year. We will be adding new articles, additional ways for the eating disorder community to express itself, a new forum for loved ones, and other exciting new things throughout the year. We are committed to continuing to help inspire and inform people with eating disorders, their loved ones, and professionals who treat them.

Grace on the Moon could not exist without the wonderful people who read and contribute, participate on the forums, interact with us on social media, and are part of the big conversation that takes place in person, via email and online.  Thank you for coming by the main site and the forums, as well as following us on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. We also are very grateful for the people who follow our blog!

If you haven’t explored all that Grace on the Moon has to offer, check out A Guide to Grace for helpful links. Thank you again for helping us reach a large audience, and we look forward to continuing to grow throughout 2015.

Visit Grace on the Moon, a website for eating
disorders information and recovery
http://www.graceonthemoon.com

21 QUESTIONS: INTERVIEW WITH EMILY

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21 Questions is a series of interviews with people who currently have an eating disorder or have recovered from one.  The same 21 questions are asked of each person.  Each interview sketches a picture of someone who has been in the depths of the reality of an eating disorder and is either still working on blazing a path out of it or has gone on to recover. Some of the names used have been changed at the request of the interviewee.   If you would like to be interviewed for this series, please contact us.

Interview with Emily:

Q: How old are you?
A: Twenty-two.
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Q: Male or female?
A: Female.
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Q: How long have you had/did you have an eating disorder?
A: First diagnosed with EDNOS at age 12 (ten years ago) and struggled with the thoughts ever since, despite being “recovered” and at a healthy weight for a lot of the time in between.

Q: Which one do/did you have, or has it been more than one (anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, EDNOS, compulsive exercising)?
A: EDNOS.

Q: Who in your life knows about your eating disorder?
A: Just about everyone I know knows. It’s not a secret, and I’ve written some blogs/articles about my experiences and shared them on Facebook.
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Q: What person in your life was the most helpful and supportive during both sickness and recovery?

A: My mom. She’s always been my best friend, but through all of this recovery struggle, she’s been amazing and always there to talk or listen or whatever I need.

Q: What person that you might have wanted or expected more from was the least helpful and supportive?

A: I’ve been lucky – everyone I know has been very encouraging, and happy to know that I am finally taking steps to get better.

Q: Do you or have you ever sought professional help, such as a therapist, psychiatrist, nutritionist, doctor, support group or inpatient treatment?  Specify which kind of help you had.
A: At age twelve I was admitted to the hospital and spent two months there, being monitored by a doctor and seeing a dietitian regularly.  I didn’t get any psychological therapy though, so nothing really got better at that time. Now, I am in an outpatient program, which includes doctor checkups, dietitian meetings, psychologist appointments, and group therapy.
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Q: What was most helpful to you about the help you got?

A: Group therapy has been incredibly helpful in my recovery.  Up until now I’d never had anyone to talk to that understood what I was going through, but I’ve met some of the most amazing people in my therapy groups, and we all are helping each other get through this.

Q: What issue(s) do you feel affected or influenced developing an eating disorder?
A: When I was younger (8/9) I was pretty overweight, and unhappy with how I looked. When I started losing weight it was the first time I received compliments and positive attention, and I wanted more of it. I kept losing weight, and kept getting compliments, until it got to be a big problem.
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Q:  Besides yourself, who in your life do you think is/was most affected by how your eating disorder hurt you?
A: My parents.  I know I’ve caused them a lot of worry and stress, and put a lot of strain on our family relationship.
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Q: What was the first major breakthrough you had in recovery?

A: I think it just hit me one day that there isn’t really an alternative to recovery. I can get better and get rid of my eating disorder, or I can let it kill me. Harsh, but that might have been what it took to scare me into recovery-mode.

Q: What is/was the hardest truth to accept about what you have to do in order to recover?

A: Having to gain weight. I’ve been in therapy for about four months now, and the thought of gaining weight still terrifies me.

Q: If you could be eating disorder-free for a day, what things would you do?/If you are recovered, what things do you do now that were very difficult when you were still sick?
A: I have no idea- I’ve had an eating disorder for so long I don’t know what life’s like without one, so I can’t really think of what I’d do differently.
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Q: What one piece of advice would you give to someone new to admitting they have an eating disorder?

A: Recovery is really, really, really hard, but it’s worth it. I’m nowhere near fully recovered, but I’ve already had little tastes of how much better life is without an eating disorder, and it’s worth every day of fighting.

Q: What one suggestion would you give to a loved one trying to support someone with an eating disorder?
A: Don’t be the food police. Your job is not to be a dietitian and question everything they eat, and it will just cause tension and fighting!

Q:  Do/did you seek support online?  If so, what kind of support and did it help you?

A: I do. I have started writing a recovery blog, and I’ve been reading and commenting on other similar blogs. I find that the online recovery community is very supportive and positive.

Q: If you are sure you will not go back to your eating disorder, what gives you that confidence?/If you are scared you will relapse, what is your biggest trigger?

A: I think right now, where I’m still in the relatively early stage of recovery, it’d be really easy to slip into a relapse. I don’t really know whether I will definitely be healthy from now on, or if I will relapse a dozen times.  Right now I can just take it a day at a time and try my best.

Q: If you have children or plan to in the future, are you concerned about how your eating disorder may affect them?  If you recovered before you had kids, do you think your experience with the eating disorder will help you to better guide your child away from developing one?
A: When I have kids I really want to focus on things other than looks. I don’t want my future daughters to think being pretty and thin is the most important thing in life. Also, I want to make healthy eating habits something my kids grow up with.
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Q: Did you read books or workbooks to help with your recovery?  If so, are there any specific ones you recommend?

A: Jenni Schaefer’s book “Life Without Ed” was the first thing I read that made me actually consider that recovery was possible. I still read it pretty often, and I find it helpful when I need to get my thinking back on track.

Q: What song, album or musical artist comes to mind when you think of good music to listen to while trying to make positive changes in your life?
A: I don’t know?

Visit Grace on the Moon, a website for eating
disorders information and recovery:
http://www.graceonthemoon.com

Photo at top of blog is from the Flickr account
of Mike Licht

Gobble Gobble: 4 Steps to Surviving Thanksgiving

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We’re less than two days away from the Turkey Day feast in the U.S., and that annual event is cause for many emotions.  There are many reactions that come up for people, often a mixture of both joyful and stressful. There can be the pleasure of seeing family members and friends, the joy of cooking, the nostalgia of returning home to their parents, or the pleasure of welcoming home their own grown children and grand kids.

For still others, Thanksgiving is mostly just a mind boink to endure. Traveling during this period, particularly when flying, is often stressful, and the crowds and the cold weather can take their toll on anyone.  There can also be reservations about putting up with a judgmental in-law or the Debbie Downer cousins. When you add an eating disorder into the mix, Thanksgiving can become a pretty tense time, for both sufferers and their loved ones.  The thing is not to assume every moment will be difficult, nor will every challenge be insurmountable.

Here are some ways to help take care of yourself during this holiday:

Set The Tone

If you are used to having family members or friends comment on what you’re eating or not eating, take a moment to pull them aside and make a declaration.  If you are in recovery, you can calmly say something like, “I know that you have seen me when I was pretty sick, and it’s understandable that you might want to comment on what I eat, but at this point it would just serve to be awkward and unhelpful.  I have made real progress in getting better, and I will do my best to anticipate when and what I want to eat.  I appreciate you letting that happen without making comments.”  You can even tell this to one designated person, and ask that they tell some of the others on your behalf.

If you are not in recovery, or you are still in the early days, you can also make a statement or request to people (though you may have less credence with your audience).  If you can say it and mean it, try something like, “I often have had trouble with holidays that are so focused on food, but I’m trying to make this year different.  If you see me struggling, I understand you will be concerned, but please do not make a public statement in front of others.  I promise to do my best to make some progress, and I’m more likely to accomplish that if I’m not worried about being monitored and commented on.”

Negotiate Your Moments With Food

If you typically struggle with binge eating, consider that rather than white-knuckling your way through each meal, you have the opportunity to experiment with some basic recovery techniques.  Binge eating often takes place in private, and it can make a person feel anxious to be around a lot of food and know they can’t use an active behavior with a dozen or more people around.  Take those moments to experiment with eating slowly and thoughtfully.  Give yourself the opportunity to rediscover true stomach hunger cues.  Tell yourself that if you don’t eat that second or third piece of pie now, it doesn’t mean it disappears.  Leftovers are just that: left over.

If you typically struggle with restricting food, you also have some learning opportunities.  If a particular dessert or side dish is normally on your list of No-No foods, make a commitment to put a small amount on a plate and not automatically judge yourself.  Be mindful of each bite, and tell yourself that you have as much right to enjoy the dish as anyone else.  Would you yell at your six-year-old niece not to eat the pie because she will get fat?  Of course not.  Tell yourself the same thing.  Would you slap the mashed potatoes bowl out of your grandfather’s hand and say, “Do you know how many calories are in that?!”.  You would not, and you don’t deserve to have that voice in your own head either.

Make Yourself a Care Package

Whether you’re crossing the state or the country, or the whole holiday takes place in your own home, pack a small bag for yourself.  Put things in it that promote small moments of peace, ways to center yourself, and reminders of your worth and your recovery.  It can include things like a printout of affirmations, a book you’re currently enjoying or want to start, a photo of someone you love and trust, a journal, a coloring book and crayons, or your iPod.

When you feel stress piling up on you, excuse yourself – even just for 5 or 10 minutes – and take something from your bag.  Lock yourself in the bathroom and listen to a favorite song or sit on the floor and color in your book.  Offer to make the last minute run to buy more paper plates, and use part of that time to sit in the car and read through your affirmations.  Excuse yourself to a private room and write in your journal or send a quick text to a friend.  Create moments in your day to take care of yourself.

Set The Timer

Even if people or situations seem to be going out of their way to be difficult and stressful, there is a time limit to it all.  Break down the day into chunks.  Give yourself credit for each section of the day (the morning, a particular meal, a visit to someone), or even mark off each hour as it passes (keep a tiny notebook handy).  You will see that time is indeed passing, and the end of the weekend is inevitable.

Remind yourself that you have resources, and Thanksgiving need not gobble you up.

Visit Grace on the Moon, a website for eating
disorders information and recovery:
http://www.graceonthemoon.com

Photo at top of blog is from the Flickr account
of Kim Seng

RECOVERY: YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY

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Recovery from an eating disorder is such a personal thing.  A metaphorical trip, really.  Moving from the point of being quite sick to being fully recovered takes time and covers a whole lot of ground.  Not everyone is leaving from the same point or arriving at the exact same place.  Not everyone will take the same route, nor complete it in just one set amount of time. Everyone isn’t using the same vehicle.

There are common events and emotions people with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and EDNOS experience when becoming whole again.  There are “Me, too!” moments when we hear someone else describe what they felt along the way in one moment or another.

But no one has the exact same recovery as someone else.

Because of that, people who are sharing the experience of recovery at the same time, or are now well and watching someone coming up behind them trying to achieve the same goal, or someone who is still sick and seeing someone else progress through their recovery journey ahead of them, have to allow for the individuality of each person’s trip.

Her journey may include an increased intake of food while yours doesn’t.  He may require less frequent therapy appointments than you.  She may go inpatient three times, while you went only once or not at all.

He may find it takes years to work through a really tough issue in therapy, and you don’t relate because it took you a lot less time.  It might be the opposite, and you find yourself flirting with resentment over still having to work on a similar issue while it appears as if the other person has wrapped it up in a short amount of time.  These comparisons get you nowhere.

Everyone has their own journey, just as you have yours.

This also applies to the loved ones watching a family member, friend, or romantic partner go through recovery.  They may be quick to point out that there are things they see more clearly than the person who is sick, and there are definitely times when that is very true.  A parent can watch a child losing or gaining an unhealthy amount of weight, when the child cannot see it themselves.  A boyfriend or girlfriend can see their beloved slipping into isolation and becoming less of themselves, when this isn’t clear at all to the person they love.

Yet it is not true that those outside the eating disorder understand everything better than the ill person they care about. They have less of a vantage point when they cannot truly relate to the feelings and mindset that accompany being sick with an eating disorder.  Loved ones often only have veiled reference points (or none at all) for what recovery for the person they care about is like.

The sufferer has insight into their own feelings, the origins of their illness, and what it is taking for them to recover, that are often things the loved one does not understand, often because it’s just not in their experience to understand it or they find it too painful to consider it.

Loved ones don’t know what the recovery journey of a family member, friend or romantic partner involves any more than the sufferer knows what the loved one’s journey of watching them go through an eating disorder is like.

When a person in recovery from an eating disorder makes a point of accepting that their journey is theirs, and everyone else’s is not theirs, it makes it easier to keep their eyes on the road ahead of them.

When a person who loves someone with an eating disorder accepts that they cannot truly dissect or fully direct that person’s recovery, it makes it easier to let go and let the person they love get where they’re going in a way that is best for them.

Too often, comparison is the passenger of an eating disorder.  “Am I bigger than her?”, “Am I smaller than him?”, “Am I pretty enough for the societal norm?’, “Am I worthy compared to someone else?”  Work on removing the comparison factor that often blocks the road for both the person in recovery and those who love them.

Look around, enjoy the scenery (it’s often beautiful), power through the storms, and don’t worry so much about what everyone else is doing and how you fear it may reflect on you.  Recovery is indeed a journey, and your mileage may vary.

 Visit Grace on the Moon, a website for eating
disorders information and recovery:
http://www.graceonthemoon.com

Photo at top of blog is from the Flickr account
of CasaDeQueso

ARE YOU OUTSOURCING YOUR PEACE OF MIND?

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I recently read a letter to advice columnist Carolyn Hax in which a woman said she was unable to move on from the anger and resentment she felt for her daughter’s ex-husband.  The ex had treated her daughter terribly and then divorced her, and the mother felt she could not let go of her feelings or move forward unless her former son-in-law did or said specific things she felt he owed the family. Carolyn wrote something in her reply that stood out to me:

“You’ve outsourced your peace of mind to the ex. When you suspend contentment until someone does something you think you are owed, you let another person — whom you can’t control — decide how good you feel. Few happy endings start there. Plus, it gives the person you find most upsetting more power over you than anyone else possesses.”

There’s a great deal of truth to that statement.  There were times both in and out of therapy when I was introduced to this concept, and I initially resented it.  I felt it discounted the pain and suffering I had been through at the hands of a friend or family member.  I took it to mean I should just ‘get over it’.  When I really began to delve into it, it actually became clearer to me just how liberating the idea really is.

It’s not about saying you’re not in pain.  It’s about saying a lot of time has passed, and continuing to swim in that pain hurts no one but yourself. It’s embracing the philosophy that it’s important to acknowledge pain and where it comes from, but it’s also equally helpful to determine when holding on to that pain is like wrapping yourself around an anchor in the middle of the ocean while simultaneously resenting the fact that you’re drowning.

It’s not about saying the person who hurt you doesn’t owe you an apology.  It’s about recognizing that there is clear evidence that no true remorse, words of regret, or offers of reparation long fantasized about are forthcoming. Imagine that someone physically hurt you by breaking your arm.  They are to blame, and yet they do not offer an apology or assistance in treating the injury and pain.  As unfair as that is, you then have to take action by seeking treatment for your arm and doing your best to become healed again.  This is much healthier than deciding it is up to the person who hurt you to heal you, and you are going to let your arm remain broken until this person steps up and does what you need.

It’s not about thinking you were never a victim.  It’s about seeing that going through life with a Victim Hat planted firmly on your head will only hold you back.  We are all hurt by someone (and to be fair, we all cause harm to someone else at some point, too). Going through life without experiencing painful burdens is not an option.  Letting the pain caused by someone else rule our plans for the future, our ability to move on, and our right to peace of mind IS an option.

Ask yourself if you are in a holding pattern because you are certain that you cannot move forward or heal until someone says or does something specific.  Ask yourself if outsourcing your peace of mind to another person, especially someone with a track record of hurting you, is helping you or holding you back.  As Ms. Hax said:  “few happy endings start there”.  Rewrite what your happy ending is and start Living In Peace.

Visit Grace on the Moon, a website for eating
disorders information and recovery:
http://www.graceonthemoon.com

Photo at top of blog is from the Flickr account of Daniel Go

 

OUR EARS ARE BIG. WANNA TALK TO US?

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Have you read Grace on the Moon‘s ground-breaking 21 Questions interview series?  If not, click the link and see what people are saying.

21 Questions is a series of interviews with people who currently have an eating disorder or have recovered from one.  The same 21 questions are asked of each person.  Each interview sketches a picture of someone who has been in the depths of the reality of an eating disorder, and is either still working on blazing a path out of it or has gone on to recover.

This series includes perspectives from people from many different walks of life: single, married, with or without kids, different age groups, multiple nationalities, recovered and still sick.  The goal is to help those who have or had an eating disorder, as well as those who love them or professionally treat them, better understand the mindset of someone sick with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder or EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified).  Sufferers can feel less alone and be inspired by stories from the recovered, loved ones can gain insight into what the people they care about are thinking and feeling, and professionals can get a detailed understanding of what their clients go through.

The interviews take place via email, and you can be completely anonymous.  A first name only is used, and it can be your real name or a pseudonym that is chosen either by you or Grace on the MoonWe are particularly hoping to showcase some new interviews with people who are male, LGBT, a minority, older, or from a non-Christian religious background, as those viewpoints are often less heard than others, but we are open to people from all walks of life.  All interviewees are welcome!  If you are interested in being interviewed, please contact us.

Visit Grace on the Moon, a website for eating
disorders information and recovery:
http://www.graceonthemoon.com

Photo at top of blog is copyrighted to Moon,
Administrator of Grace on the Moon